Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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