Will you blow on my dice?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize