it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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