if you like me you must not know who I am
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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