Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
