we're chasing vodka with high fives
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
is it fun? or sober?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
