i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
