My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
