You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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