So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize