whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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