Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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