So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
