I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize