he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
