Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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