is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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