Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
