I didn't shave. On purpose
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
