I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
