dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
