A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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