Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
