a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
