we're blogging at a bar
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
