2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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