Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
