Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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