Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
