Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
