If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
