im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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