I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
