He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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