no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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