how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
