....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
