How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
