you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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