i barfeds in our rink
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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