god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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