The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You are a genius and a whore.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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