overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
