why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
