If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
