We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
