is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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