No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
