She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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