Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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