Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
