he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He has the fingertips of a God
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