My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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