question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
