You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
