It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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