I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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