no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
