everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
