Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
