We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
