By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
