If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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