He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
