at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
