i think my tv is drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
