Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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