she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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