I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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