it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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