i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
