I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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