At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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