Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
