i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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