Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
