I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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