She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
