i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
