I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
