And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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