so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
