I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
