Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we should paint friendship bongs
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