legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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