I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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