I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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