oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
