Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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