this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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