The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
