I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
