I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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