My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
